Wow...there it is and I said it.
Years ago when I heard Fantasia's tribute to baby mamas I never in a million years thought that I would be one...but life happens.
Camryn's father and I met in December of 2006 through mutual friends. It was random and at the time I was not looking for a relationship, but we clicked instantly and so began a tumultuous and unhealthy relationship. Things were either great or horrible. There was no in between. We were either on cloud nine or going through hell. All the while, I was madly in love with him.
After just under a year of dating we moved in together and I was pregnant shortly after. I had my child knowing that her father and I probably...no definitely would not make it. For all of his good qualities, he was controlling, insecure, and negative. The entire relationship, all two years of it, really brought me down and when I think back on it now I realize that I was just in a bad place at that time in my life...too eager to relinquish who I was and too determined to make him into the man that I wanted him to be.
I chalk it up as a lesson learned. The silver lining is that I gained a self-respect that I lacked before and I became a mother to a beautiful baby girl.
For Camryn, I know that she will never know what it's like for her mother and father to be together. We split when she was just one month old. However, she will always know that she is tremendously loved regardless of her parent's situation. And fortunately for her, she has been raised in a warm and loving environment, surrounded with nothing but positive energy. I am fiercely protective of that.
For me, I know that I am no less worthy and respectable than before. Occasionally I will notice a lifted brow or look of judgment when I say that I have a child and am not married (nor divorced) but I have no regrets as this life experience has made me the woman that I am today.
Like Fantasia said...Single motherhood is a badge of honor...one that I wear proudly.
No comments:
Post a Comment