About a week after the baby was born, I stopped by her house to visit. I love babies and had been anxious to get over there but with all of the germs and illnesses going around, I decided to wait until I could go without my two-year old...daycare germs are a $?!#.
Once I got to her house it was just as I expected. She was happy but exhausted...in sweats and still trying to get used to the rigors of new motherhood. We had a great visit and I took care of the baby most of the time that I was there so that she could eat and just get a break...whatever that might be.
I hadn't spoken to her again until today. I could hear the same exhaustion in her voice and it got me thinking back to when I was a new mother...
After I had my daughter I was completely in love. Like I had heard so many times before, it was a love deeper than anything that I had experienced before, truly unconditional, and I saw the world in a different way. Seriously. That was the good part.
The other part of it was that in some aspects I didn't feel like my old self. Because my priorities changed and I saw things differently, I struggled to understand and get comfortable with the "new" me. At times I felt very isolated from my friends because while they were out doing things that I used to do, I was at home with my baby changing diapers, nursing, and rocking her to sleep. I realized that while everybody was happy for me and would occasionally stop by to visit, they continued on with their same child-free, carefree lives. It was business as usual for everyone but me.
I can't tell you how many times I though about dropping those friends for new mothers or single mothers who could relate to my situation. I was very lonely and at times depressed. In some ways I feel like this was my form of post-partum depression. It wasn't at all about the baby, it was about me.
And I'm sure that all of the drama that I was going through with her father didn't help the situation...
Back to my friend, I wish her the best. I made sure to let her know that if she needs any help with the baby that I'm here. Hopefully I can be that source of support for her that I needed during this time.
Be Blessed!
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